Beware of Japan

04.06.2003

I'm not so sure North Korea is a threat to us anymore. I've come to the conclusion that Japan probably has it pretty much handled. After all, Japan announced (w/ very little fanfare, mind you) that if Kim Jong Il even looks at them funny they'll strike first. How's this possible? Let me explain.

Whenever anyone suggests taking Japan seriously as a military power, people laugh and point to their "pacifist" constitution. C'mon! These are the same people who love Karaoke and always smile and bow. Warmongers? But we forget that, before General Douglas MacArthur wrote their constitution after the Second World War, Japan was a military juggernaut.

Years of samurai culture had made them almost invincible. I mean, the Germans fought from 1939 to 1945; Japan fought from 1935 (lasted longer than the Germans and their homeland was never invaded). They overran China and most of their hemisphere. Keep in mind that the last people to overrun China were the Mongols.

OK, so their constitution limits them to spending only one percent of their GNP on weapons. Well, in 1996 Japan's GDP (which is always smaller than GNP) was $4,960 billion. One percent would be about $50 billion. That means Japan still spends less than the US, but puts it clearly in second place.

But if a country spent that kind of money (and probably more) every year, why don't we ever hear of the massive Japanese army, navy, or air force? We don't see their aircraft carriers touring the Pacific ocean. What's up?

I've two words: Robotech and Gundam.

We've all seen Japanese anime, right? Where d'you think those ideas come from? Mechwarrior battle 'bots? Elite mobile weapons suits? The Akira project?

Sure, our troops have high tech night vision, GPS, and those "smart" soldier suits NPR raved about. But Japan's the land of Sony, Toshiba, Honda. Don't think they can do better? Faster? Smarter? I do. Look at commercials for a domestic assistance robot (ASIMO) Honda's building. Don't think they have warrior robot armies lurking in a 43rd level Tokyo sub-basement?

Don't believe me? Here's a picture of a Gundam sentinel somewhere in Japan. Many Botham spies died to bring us this information.

Bill, you're our deep cover operative in Japan. I charge you w/ uncovering more stories of the Japanese high tech weapons arsenal. Get your digital camera and start looking. Pay special attention to pairs of spunky girls w/ pink or purple hair who like to dance at Karaoke discoteques. Sources indicate these are typically assigned to elite mobile suit Gundam units.

Posted by Miguel at 03:23 PM

Comments

There is a picture covering part of this in depth article. There are a lot of issues that Japanese people regard as "insider," that is to say not privy to gaijin inquiry. Pretty much anything regarding robots is generally off limits to me. I noticed it last month while teaching adjectives to my six your olds. They repeat after me; "its a hungry dog, its a sad panda, its a friendly crocodile"- they are smiling always until we get to "its a tall robot." Some of them draw gasps, all of the smiles disolve and they look at me like I've just overturned the table.

Posted by: bil at April 7, 2003 10:08 AM

I knew it! I knew it! What do your Yakuza contacts know?

Posted by: miguel at April 7, 2003 01:28 PM